Watch This Giant Pumpkin Crush a Car Because Self Care Is Important – VICE
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Smashing Pumpkins Zen from Cranes

Sometimes, you have to say to yourself, friend, friend of me that is me, why, why have I never considered the full scientific and physical and lulz-like qualities of dropping a 1000 pound fatty orange boy from umpty ducking feet high and measuring the full effects of the wonder of that thing?  Well, some dream this dream, a dream more common than the one where you wake up naked in front of class, the impossible dream for the perfect smashing pumpkin zen that can right the world, and yes, right the world they did, because this dream became our Lulz of the Day.
From Vice –

What would happen if you dropped a 1,300-pound pumpkin onto a car? Like, a for-real car that somebody once drove around and wrote “PLAN // AHEA // D” on before it ended up in the junk yard.

I don’t know why the folks at Ed Dunneback & Girls Fruit Farm in Massachusetts decided to do just that, but I’m glad that they did. Forget face masks and scented candles; sometimes you need self-care that feels as angry as you are, something destructive rather than constructive, something big but abstract, visceral but consequence-less.
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Now You Have It, Now You Don’t Anus Could Reveal Evolutionary History

New Scientist – A jellyfish-like creature has a neat trick that makes it unique among animals: its anus forms only when it needs to defecate, then disappears without a trace.

“That is the really spectacular finding here,” says Sidney Tamm of the Marine Biological Laboratory in Woods Hole, Massachusetts, who made the discovery. “There is no documentation of a transient anus in any other animals that I know of.”

Tamm thinks the discovery might represent an intermediate stage in evolution. | go to source

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Pornhub Wants to Protect Tumblr From Itself

Ars Technica -“Verizon Communications Inc. is seeking a buyer for blogging website Tumblr, according to people familiar with the matter, as it tries to steady a media business that has struggled to meet revenue targets,” The Wall Street Journal reported yesterday.

Pornhub quickly announced its interest after the news broke, although it isn’t clear whether the two companies have talked. Verizon banned all adult content from Tumblr in December 2018, and Pornhub wants to restore the site to its former porn-filled glory.

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Pooping Out an AirPod Does Not Destroy it

Tech Spot – What’s worse than losing your AirPods? Finding one inside your belly. A man named Hsu went through this unusual experience when he went to sleep and somehow his right AirPod slipped its way into his mouth and down his stomach.

He was able to locate the missing AirPod using the ‘Find My AirPods’ feature. “I could hear the ‘beep, beep’ sound, which seemed to follow me around the room”, says Hsu. After searching his room thoroughly he realized that the sound was coming from within his stomach and it suddenly dawned on him, “I swallowed my Airpod.” | go to source

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CATastrophy Turns Into 50K Powerball Win for Baltimore Woman

Mix 105.1 – A 67-year-old Baltimore, Maryland woman recently claimed a $50,000 Powerball jackpot two months after her cat hid her winning ticket. ….“When I buy Lottery tickets, I never watch the drawings or even check to see if I won until a few days later.  What I didn’t know is that after my cat knocked some papers off my nightstand, a few of my tickets ended up falling behind my bed. I didn’t see the additional papers behind my bed until I did some spring cleaning. To my surprise, one of them was a winner!” | go to source

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Vampire Facials Spa Clients Contract Aids

Boston 25 News – According to the New Mexico Department of Health, both clients “received injection-related procedures” at the now-shuttered VIP Spa in Albuquerque between May and September of last year. 

Tests found that the clients recently were infected with the same strain of the virus, “increasing the likelihood that the two HIV infections may have resulted from a procedure at the VIP Spa,” the news release said. | go to source

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Turns Out, Black Death Should Have Been Called Blue Death

Anomalian – The color of death turned out to be blue. It is in this shade that dead cells are stained with a destroyed calcium compound.  Necrosis led to the blue glow of worms. So, the researchers managed to observe how death was spreading.  This phenomenon is typical not only for worms, but also for many other living organisms.  According to experts, the blue color serves as a kind of conditional signal that is transmitted from cell to cell, reporting on the beginning of the process of death of the whole organism. | go to source

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Kid’s Age is Part of Lottery Numbesr, But Mom Got it Wrong…and She Still Wins 78K Smackers

UPI – A Michigan woman said she owes her $78,000 lottery jackpot to a mistake she made about her own child’s age.  Antoinette Ousley of Inkster was one of two people to match all numbers in the Fantasy Five drawing April 15, earning her half of the $156,090 jackpot, $78,045.  Ousley told Michigan Lottery officials she recognized her numbers right away when she checked the Michigan Lottery app. | go to source

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Pot Houses Don’t Open on Time, Get Fined By Ontario Pot Police

CBC – Cannabis retailers in Ontario who have failed to open their stores by a government-set deadline are facing a new round of financial penalties.In all, eleven pot retailers have been fined $12,500 each for not opening their stores by April 15.  Twenty-five retailers were selected through a government lottery to open the first brick-and-mortar cannabis stores on April 1, but less than half met the deadline. | go to source

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Wyoming Man Robs Store, Applies for Job on Same Day

Associated Press – Police in northern Wyoming say a man who allegedly shoplifted at the same store twice in one day also asked to fill out a job application during one of his visits…the 36-year-old man went to the Sportsman’s Warehouse in Gillette and bought some items with a rewards card but allegedly took sunglasses and ammunition without paying for them.  Police say he returned to the store a few hours later, asked to fill out the job application and left with two more pairs of sunglasses, allegedly without paying for them. | go to source

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Mobile App Thief, AKA Hamburgler, Pilfers $2K Worth of Mickey Dees…..Again

CBC News – The mysterious Quebec hamburglar has struck again, racking up more than $2,000 worth of meals at different McDonald’s in Montreal. This time, an unsuspecting Toronto tech writer got stuck with the bill.   “I was just panicked because that’s a lot of money,” said Patrick O’Rourke, managing editor of the tech news site, MobileSyrup. The fraudster pulled off the fast-food scam by infiltrating O’Rourke’s McDonald’s mobile app account, which was linked to his debit card. The scammer then used the app to order more than 100 meals for pick-up between April 12 and 18. The smorgasbord included McFlurries, Big Macs, Chicken McNuggets and poutine. | go to source

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Roos Are Set to Take Uraguay and There’s NOTHING You Can Do About It But Fight….with Memes

From 10 Daily – A South American country is currently trying to come to grips with what would happen if Australia’s population of kangaroos decided to hop over there and invade — and it’s hilarious. As it turns out, Uruguay recently stumbled onto some rather unsettling information: there are far more kangaroos down under than there are Uruguayans to fight them should they need to. I just want all of you to know that there’s currently a sea of memes regarding a battle between Uruguayans and kangaroos. They’re all in Spanish, but other than that, you’re welcome #Uruguay #canguros | go to source

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McDonald’s Unintended Feather Nuggets Create Nightmares For China’s Children

The Star Online – A woman in Beijing got a nasty surprise on Sunday when the chicken wings she ordered from McDonald’s arrived with their feathers still attached….Zhou…did not notice the unwanted additions until after she had fed the wings to her young daughter, Guancha.cn reported on Wednesday.  “A chicken wing overgrown with feathers was fried and then sold, to be sent straight into a child’s mouth!” Zhou wrote in a social media post alongside a photo of the offending snack with feathers clearly seen protruding through the fried coating.  “My child is now having nightmares, and whenever she eats she retches,” she said. | go to source